A Eulogy for Allison: “I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to process this grief”

Editor’s note: Allison Chappell grew up at St Therese where her parents and grandparents were parishioners, went nine years to our school, served as a CYO camp counselor and became a school counselor. She fell into a serious depression about the time COVID hit and took her own life last November. Her tragedy has left many people deeply shaken. This eulogy is by Jim Valiere, a former teacher and administrator at St. Therese School.

Many of us will spend the rest of our lives trying to process this grief.Beautiful, intelligent, funny, compassionate, strong - Allison was all of these and so much more.

The daughter of Bevis and Vicky, the little sister of Theresa, cousin, niece, friend, a thicker than blood Auntie, teacher, counselor, mentor. Allison was lots of things to lots of people.
The Chappells, at least the Chappells I know, are very athletic and competitive. It’s in their DNA, they just go all out in whatever they do. When I first walked into the school here over thirty years ago, there were boards with CYO track records that had the name Chappell all over them.

I knew Jacques, Mr. Chappell, from his time volunteering in Mrs. Lindsey’s class. What an incredible team they were!

I coached Allison’s cousin Robert’s basketball team in middle school and met her cousin, Robert’s nephew, D’Vonne, who often attended our practices and games as a little guy. Allison’s sister Theresa used to go head up against Isaiah Stanback in football out there on the street. She was always the quarterback of one team and he (the former UW and NFL star) the other. Back then they didn’t just play against each other, they also had to keep an eye out for traffic. We weren’t very smart when it came to supervising the kids in those days, and we used the street as a playground. But those kids developed instincts that can’t be taught. I still have memories of a kid yelling “Car!” and then watching all the kids scrambling for the sidewalk. After the car passed the game would resume.

Allison definitely had that Chappell competitiveness and athletic prowess. Competitiveness isn’t always good, some people just wanna smash others, but I’m talking about that pure, beautiful competitiveness where you just want to do your best and help your team reach its goal. That was how I saw Allison. Competitive with a heart. I was her PE teacher and reading teacher when she was in primary school here, then I got to be her 4th grade teacher and looped with her class as their 6th grade teacher. I remember Pat Pew once saying that what we did best at St Therese was creating a sense of community. With those kids the feeling was family, their families, our families - one big family. It seemed in those days the love of God was always near us. In reality HE is always near us, but those days were truly special.

In high school Allison, her dad and her sister went on Habitat for Humanity trips with our St Therese youth group. We spent a lot of time together and those were the best days of my life. To simply take time out from our routines and work together to enrich the lives of others who needed a leg up in life. I guess you would have had to have been there to really understand, and I’m not sure if everyone who was on those trips really understood. The Chappells did. And it’s one of the reasons I love this family so much, they’re so easy to love.

Allison’s dad, Bevis, was an incredible dad and the favorite chaperone on those trips. His Bevisisms always made us laugh. Some of his classics: “If it’s not my problem it’s not a problem” and “I’ll never forget old what’s his face.” Bevis always hit our funny bones. After hearing her dad make one of his quips, Allison would chuckle with the rest of us and say, “Daad” Allison was blessed to have Bevis for a dad and Vicky, always the steadfast, supportive, loving mom that I wish every kid had.

Allison always did her best, whether it was in the classroom, on the court or track or any work put in front of her. And she always seemed to shine bright. She was one of the few kids I would ask to help when I noticed a classmate struggling emotionally or socially. She helped me lots as a teacher. This gift she had for helping others went way beyond those students that I, “the adult in the room”, noticed. I gotta confess, there were times when Allison, as a kid, was truly the adult in the room.

When Trent Spellman called to tell me the news about Allison, like everyone else, I was stunned, shocked saddened. I still am. When he called me that evening, we talked for a bit, followed by a series of texts with questions like, “Are you sure, have you heard from anyone else?” Neither of us wanted to believe this news. I couldn’t sleep. I was trolling the Facebook pages of Theresa and Robert to see if they had posted anything, but understood that something like this is difficult to talk about- especially so close to the event. A little later I noticed that Theresa had changed her profile picture to one of herself and Allison, and my heart sank. By morning I noticed she posted a prayer request for her family, another one after the death of her cousin D’Vonne, and my heart sank even deeper. I texted Trent that I was headed over to see Allison’s parents. I could only imagine how they were feeling. I had no idea what I would say once I got there, I just knew I needed to hug them.

When I arrived the drapes were drawn. I knocked on the door, tried ringing the UW doorbell and knocked again and again, nobody answered so I went back to my car and asked The Holy Spirit to help me as I resolved to wait until they woke up.

I glanced at my phone and saw another text from Trent that said, “I’m on a call with Jowhar, Sekani and Proc. If you call me I can add you.” I immediately called and there was The Holy Spirit speaking through Sekani- and I think Edwin, Porter and others were on the call by that time.

Sekani said, “When I arrived at St Therese there were some things about me that none of you knew.” He proceeded to share with us some specific things he had gone through in life that were more than any kid should ever have to deal with. Life can be cruel and the things we go through can make us bitter, better or break us. After sharing these life events he said, “As a kid I had a hard time getting along with people and I didn’t trust white people.” He was right, I didn’t know any of these things about Sekani. Mrs Gray was privy to this information, but as close as we were, she never shared them with me. Young Sekani looked happy, like Allison his face shined. He was incredibly smart, gifted on the basketball court. Then he said, “We’re all pretty good with the masks we wear.” He went on to say, “Without St Therese there would’ve been no O’Dea, no O’Dea no St John’s, no St Johns and I wouldn’t be in the position I’m in now. I had zero family in Seattle, you guys were and are my family. Allison was a huge part of my life, when I heard the news, I started crying and had to leave work.”

And now Bevis, (I know you love Paul Harvey) the rest of the story…

On Sekani’s first day at St T’s he wasn’t picked up after school so he waited under a basketball hoop. There was another kid out on the court after school that day. She was wearing a UW Starter jacket. I’m pretty sure her dad picked it out and made sure she was carrying a basketball when he dropped her off at school that day. She noticed young Sekani kicking rocks and asked if he wanted to shoot hoops with her. Although the young fellow didn’t trust white people, had been warned about white girls- to Sekani there was something special about this one. (First of all, she wasn’t all white!) Besides being able to hang with him on the court - and Sekani had mad handles - besides her wearing the Husky Starter jacket that he coveted - according to Sekani, this beautiful little girl was able to vibe his brokenness and see past his mask. She helped him feel like he belonged.

He was definitely NOT one of the kids their teacher thought needed TLC, but Allison somehow knew.

Beautiful, intelligent, funny, compassionate, strong… she was all these things and so much more.

She had a gift that led her to become a school counselor. But she was a counselor long before she ever studied to be one.

I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to process this grief and sadness of her passing.

No words may be truer than, “We’re pretty good with these masks we wear.”

As another wise man, who is no longer with us, once told me, ”This here is all temporary” Please remember as obvious as it should be to all of us, as hard as any moment is, it will pass. I wish Allison had remembered that in her moment of sorrow and despair. I wish she knew how profoundly she impacted the lives of others. I wish she knew how much she was loved in that moment.

I do believe she knows it now and I believe that we will see her again. Does anyone really believe that God, The Creator of everything, would punish someone like Allison. That makes absolutely no sense to me. Scripture says “God IS love.” He doesn’t just have love, He IS love.
I was raised in the Catholic Church, and as Michael Allen once said, “I’m not leaving the mother ship.” But when my sister died I wanted proof she was okay. The following day it was cold, snow was on the ground, and I was outside sitting on the deck when a hummingbird flew within a few feet of me. I had never seen a hummingbird at my house. Then I read that in native lore, the hummingbird is a sign that a loved one made it safely to the other side.

I started reading about people who had near death experiences, and tens of thousands have reported the same experience. Ninety-some percent of those people saw a bright light, vivid colors that we don’t see here. They were greeted by loved ones who had already crossed and reported an overwhelming feeling of being in the presence of God’s love. And consider this, they only got to the door and had an experience that lasted a few minutes.

We were created in the image of God to live with Him and each other forever in His light and love …. forever. All this here IS only temporary, the sadness as well as the joy. Our Lord, The Creator of the Universe, The One Who Transcends Space, Time and Matter, The One Who Created Space, Time and Matter did this for Allison, for me and for each one of you so that we may all experience everlasting joy in the presence of His love.